wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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