so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
