Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
