No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
