I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
is it fun? or sober?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
