I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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