Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
