So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
