i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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