You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
