i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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