we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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