I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
