No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
