I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
