what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
