Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I didn't notice because vodka
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
