All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
