so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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