I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
