how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
