Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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