I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
