I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
