guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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