I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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