sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
