Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
