You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
