somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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