I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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