I feel like I'm in dance class right now
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
