I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
