That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
