She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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