when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
