He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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