WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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