Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
