Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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