I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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