Only a mothe r could love this liver
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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