dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
