The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize