She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
