i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
