youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
