He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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