just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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