Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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