Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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