Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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