i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have aggressive nipples.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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