you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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