I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I smell like Dick and happiness
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