I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
