You just made me feel so damn special
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Help. Why am I so naked?
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