Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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