I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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