My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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