At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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