There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Your cock deserves a montage
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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