I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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