Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Holy shit dude........stairs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
