4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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