One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
