Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
