I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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