so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
