I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
