i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
