she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
