so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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